Ti amo Firenze
Thursday, May 3, 2007
This morning there was a beautiful sun piercing the sky. How could I not feel happy, joyful, and full of love as I looked out on my beloved city. The surrounding colline (hills) give me such a sense of peace and strength at the same time. Florence's beauty penetrates my heart and I feel so close to her. I don't feel a need to possess her, but I do want to enjoy her as much as possible.
Many people have contacted me--friends and new acquaintances from my blog--to share their stories and express their feelings to me regarding my divorce. Each message has touched me deeply, and I feel so honored that so many people are opening up to me as well. It is a gift to share one's heart, and I am truly blessed to receive these gifts.
When my mother passed away I felt much more isolated. I felt that there truly was no silver lining to that tragedy. As the years passed, I have come to accept her passing. I miss her terribly and honestly if I could have her back for just one day, I'd do whatever it took.
I have also realized how much I have grown up and matured since her passing. I look back to how I was before and I almost don't even recognize myself. I would say that I was a bit more immature, and unrealistic with my expectations of other people in my life.
And with this divorce, I feel much lighter. Maybe it's because I don't see it as a failure. To me, it is a learning experience. So even though I was sad about ending a rather long relationship, I am now happy and excited again about my life, and about Dave's new life in the US.
I have since learned a lot about myself, about what I want and need in my life, and about what is important to me. I feel as if I have a once in a lifetime opportunity to recreate my life; to follow my dreams with more vigor and passion and to make myself happy.
The moments of solitude I've had these past two weeks have strengthened me in that I feel a deeper sense of satisfaction and joy with myself and my life.
As I finally put my hand on the new door to my future, I am embracing the present and trying to enjoy every second for I might never be at this point again in my life; where I am closing one door and about to open another one.
So as I look out at my beloved city, I try to take her all in: each building, each monument, each church, each hill, and each tree. And in this moment, I can honestly say that I truly love myself, my life, my family, my friends, and my city.
Florence has taught me that love is something I need to open myself up to. It is not something I can passively receive. For a short time, I felt forsaken by my friends, family and my city. There were times that I felt incredibly sad and alone. I looked out upon my city in the hopes of feeling loved, and I felt nothing. I later realized that my city was waiting for me to open my heart back up. And the second I did, it embraced me wholly and completely.
Ti amo Firenze!
